Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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