He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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