According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
