her vagine was all disorganized.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
