careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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