my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor