You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
