Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My vagina just clenched in fear
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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