What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
