do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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