I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
