the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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