She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
