After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
