once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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