Don't you send me to vm
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
