I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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