If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
