i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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