He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
