Who wears a wallet chain?!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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