So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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