just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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