you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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