Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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