Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
