you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
