i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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