Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
