My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
