my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
