Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
