I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
