My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just tell him i said nine months
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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