have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We had sex on a dog bed..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
