i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
