There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
