Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
