Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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