I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
