Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
