The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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