This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
