I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
