its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
