I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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