Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
