can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
