i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He better not be in your backpack
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Randomize
