so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
