kristin has been a bad kristin
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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