just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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