If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
