There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Nicole vs. Life
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize