yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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