I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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