I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
