Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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