I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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