rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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