I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
