a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
