Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
