So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
