From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
