Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You ate ashes out of my bong
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
