what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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